How to Forgive to Have Unforgettable Sex!
“Imagine you’re in a theater watching a scary movie when something really bad is about to happen. You know that if the leading character turns the corner, she will walk into a life-threatening situation. Your throwing popcorn at the screen and screaming, ‘ Don’t do it! Don’t turn the corner!’ (Gabrielle Bernstein, The Universe Has Your Back)
How many of us read this analogy above, nod our head in agreement and think to ourselves, “I know”. Now consider knowing is the enemy of learning. By being in the state of knowing one is in a state of repetition compulsion. Professor William Nericcio taught this Freudian coined term in which a person repeats a traumatic event over and over again. This diction of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results is exactly why our lead character must learn by turning the corner.
Another powerful theory Freud mentioned was the seduction theory. This theory is how repressed memories from childhood trauma or molestation causes hysteria and hallucinations later in adulthood. This relates to our own inner movie projector with the many characters shouting our limiting beliefs back to us.
There is this incessant chatter in our head on loud speaker when we don’t get feedback from the ones we love. We convince ourselves that silence equals the end. When in fact it’s these thoughts that lead us to forgetting why we are here. That is the inner battle of the sexes.
My first inner dialogue during my years being molested by my stepfather everyday for several years was “You’re an idiot! My other children are smarter than you!” Eventually that phrase was ringing in my ear and I began acting like the fool and playing the part. I found myself watching movies like “Forrest Gump” and “Legally Blond” to reinforce that belief system. The main character in these films represented the main character highlighting their intellect or "dumb blonde" personality traits. Every time I watched these movies I would sit silently and think, "That's me"!
Eventually my SAT scores of 700 made me believe it’s a known fact I will never change and heading towards the direction of failure. The highlight of my life was when a teacher in front of the classroom shouted which felt like it was on loudspeaker said, “You are never going to college Erika!”
How many of you out there studying for a major exam convince yourself that if you don’t get an A or high score, then convince yourself, “I’m stupid!” If that is you remember you are as ,Marisa Peers said, “You are enough!” Marissa Peers is world-class hypnotherapist and has delivered her famous speech at AFest, “The Biggest Disease Affecting Humanity is ‘I’m Not Enough’” If you find yourself holding in your breath or breathing heavy I ask you to drop the story or drop F-bombs on the idea that you’re not smart enough.
“There are areas in your learning skills which are so impaired that you can progress only under constant, clear-cut direction provided by a Teacher Who can transcend your limited resources. He becomes your resource because of yourself, you cannot learn. The learning situation in which clearly require a special Teacher and a special curriculum.” (ACIM)
Education is incredibly important and my biggest lesson to give to you is know your purpose on the planet. If you’re a parent my biggest advice is let your child pursue his or her dream. I know all of you reading this whether in a 9 to 5 job or stay at home mom all have a vision.
One of my favorite quotes in A Course in Miracles is “My vision has no cost, it can only bless” I ask you to make this a mantra for the rest of today. If my vision projected back to your mind, it would be in the form of a 90s VHS tape. In this tape you would see a little girl singing and dancing and saying everyday, “Look at me! I’m going to be a star!”
Everyday many of us want to be our own star more each day. Some of us keep asking, “How can I get more likes?” or “How can I get him to like my selfie?” Except most of us will not admit that codependent truth.
Underneath that posed smile ask yourself, “What am I not being honest about?” Neil Strauss, best selling author of “The Game” once said, “The biggest killer in all relationships is lying”. This statement sounds true to my soul because when I moved to California my uncle killed my dreams. In order to make the family proud and make more money I needed to be an engineer or nurse. During those times I looked up to my uncle since my role models in men failed me.
Eventually while in college I fought hard to make good marks in school, but in 2009 before my mental breakdown, my uncle claimed I was no longer part of the family because he believed I sent an innocent man behind bars. Somehow all the skills I learned in college went right through me. Eventually I was diagnosed as bipolar and schizoaffective disorder. The good news is I graduated in 2010, yet depression hit harder before becoming a preschool teacher. The guy I was in love with at the time left me for my friend and I was in a job I didn’t love.
In the Code of the Extraordinary Mind, Vishen Lakhiani talks about the culturescape. This is the tangled world of relative truth which is made up of human ideas, cultures, mythologies, beliefs, and practices on how to live. Culture is like upgrading software on our smartphones, but some phones never get updated causing us to dial the same people in our lives.
By now one may wonder how does one forgive in order to have unforgettable sex? You need to first unlearn to remember your worth. Here is my formula:
Write down your top 10 movie scenes from any traumatic events. In the back of your mind ask yourself who do you blame? Why are you angry at them? What would courage have you do?
Walk to your full length mirror and say the statements out loud and for the first few minutes feel the anger.
To make this exercise more powerful play music that heightens your mood as if it’s the soundtrack matching the inner projection of your story.
After 3 minutes of sharing your angry statements, then start finding compassion for the other person and be curious of how they were raised as a child.
The last 3 minutes look at yourself in silence and internally tell yourself the Hawaiian phrase, Ho’ oponopono, “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you!”
Dave Asprey, the creator of Bulletproof coffee talks about 40 years of Zen. This is neurofeedback of intense brain training. Vishen Lakhiani shares how practicing forgiveness allows one to feel unfuckwithable where no negativity can touch you mentally. There is a theory of how billionaires make their billions and I believed it was by thinking of creative ideas, statistics, or facts. Instead it’s a simple practice of meditating on the person who hurt you. My theory is the more you forgive whoever hurt you, especially yourself, then the thoughts will not be as prevalent in the bedroom. Science says when you forgive, your alpha, beta, theta waves will improve shifting your conscious mind into the state of being.
“You do not know the meaning of love, and that is your handicap. Do not attempt to teach yourself what you do not understand, and do not try to set up curriculum goals where yours have clearly failed.” (A Course in Miracles)
I believe most of us who failed our loved ones creates this illusion within ourselves that we are not sexy enough. While the sexy pictures in my lingerie seems to be the purpose of catching your attention of “oohs” or “aah”. My ultimate intention is for you to forgive yourself.
The number one vice I forgive myself and still work on each day is how my abuse lead me to get into the Erotic Arts with working with men either with teaching them orgasms with their breath, tantra massage, or flogs, and whips. Living a double life for the majority out there will not help us in the bedroom. The more we are honest with our own secrets then we can be more present with bigger issues in the world.
The more we forgive ourselves our communications becomes more vibrant, bright, and imaginative.
The more we let go, our orgasms can transmit us to space and back.
The more we are honest with ourself we can look at our partner in their eyes, smile more sincerely, and kiss as if it’s the last time we see them.
The more we surrender to the past then we will feel so connected with our partner and ourselves then we can be more intune with what is happening in our world.
Psalm Isadora talks in a MindBodyGreen presentation how the world needs sexual healing. I believe our world needs more sex coaches, sex experts, spiritual teachers, and personal development leaders to heal as a concious collective. This recent year there were more terrorist attacks, shootings, and civil war around water. Some of us are divided more due to a racist and sexist leader. Our world really needs to wake the fuck up!
Does anyone remember the iconic photo of the boy in Syria who was covered in ash and blood? A lot of us who saw were filled with sadness. When I saw I was shocked mainly because he was expressionless and numb. Recently the small town of Aleppo was affected by this merciless war.
Alicia Key’s recent song Holy War, reflects my philosophy, “If war is holy, then sex is obscene. Then we got it twisted in this lucid dream.”
Before 2017 starts and living in the state of “Once I have an orgasm then I'll be perfect.” or “Once I make it then…” Realize the best sex will not happen til you learn to forgive and let go of the word, "once". Start finding your passion in a way it turns you on. I find people that are incredibly in love with what they do are incredibly sexy.
As I write this on a Friday, I have a statement I share on Snapchat, and that is, “Do you know what today is? Not fucking, but maybe you want to. Today is all about forgiveness, who do you forgive today?”
Today I forgive being Mexican! Today I forgive the color of my brown skin. Today I forgive my step dad for taking away my childhood, Today I forgive living in America! Today I forgive my uncle! Today I forgive my failed mistakes! Today I forgive my mother! Today I forgive being a woman! Today I forgive my ex-lovers! Today I forgive humanity!
Who do you forgive today?