How to Forgive to Have Unforgettable Sex!

 “Imagine you’re in a theater watching a scary movie when something really bad is about to happen. You know that if the leading character turns the corner, she will walk into a life-threatening situation. Your throwing popcorn at the screen and screaming, ‘ Don’t do it! Don’t turn the corner!’ (Gabrielle Bernstein, The Universe Has Your Back)

 

How many of us read this analogy above, nod our head in agreement and think to ourselves, “I know”. Now consider knowing is the enemy of learning. By being in the state of knowing one is in a state of repetition compulsion. Professor William Nericcio taught this Freudian coined term in which a person repeats a traumatic event over and over again. This diction of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results is exactly why our lead character must learn by turning the corner.

 

Another powerful theory Freud mentioned was the seduction theory. This theory is how repressed memories from childhood trauma or molestation causes hysteria and hallucinations later in adulthood. This relates to our own inner movie projector with the many characters shouting our limiting beliefs back to us.

 

There is this incessant chatter in our head on loud speaker when we don’t get feedback from the ones we love. We convince ourselves that silence equals the end. When in fact it’s these thoughts that lead us to forgetting why we are here. That is the inner battle of the sexes.

 

My first inner dialogue during my years being molested by my stepfather everyday for several years was “You’re an idiot! My other children are smarter than you!” Eventually that phrase was ringing in my ear and I began acting like the fool and playing the part. I found myself watching movies like “Forrest Gump” and “Legally Blond” to reinforce that belief system. The main character in these films represented the main character highlighting their intellect or "dumb blonde" personality traits. Every time I watched these movies I would sit silently and think, "That's me"!

Eventually my SAT scores of 700 made me believe it’s a known fact I will never change and heading towards the direction of failure. The highlight of my life was when a teacher in front of the classroom shouted which felt like it was on loudspeaker said, “You are never going to college Erika!”

 

How many of you out there studying for a major exam convince yourself that if you don’t get an A or high score, then convince yourself, “I’m stupid!” If that is you remember you are as ,Marisa Peers said, “You are enough!” Marissa Peers is world-class hypnotherapist and has delivered her famous speech at AFest, “The Biggest Disease Affecting Humanity is ‘I’m Not Enough’” If you find yourself holding in your breath or breathing heavy I ask you to drop the story or drop F-bombs on the idea that you’re not smart enough.

 

“There are areas in your learning skills which are so impaired that you can progress only under constant, clear-cut direction provided by a Teacher Who can transcend your limited resources. He becomes your resource because of yourself, you cannot learn. The learning situation in which clearly require a special Teacher and a special curriculum.” (ACIM)

 

Education is incredibly important and my biggest lesson to give to you is know your purpose on the planet. If you’re a parent my biggest advice is let your child pursue his or her dream. I know all of you reading this whether in a 9 to 5 job or stay at home mom all have a vision.

 

One of my favorite quotes in A Course in Miracles is “My vision has no cost, it can only bless” I ask you to make this a mantra for the rest of today. If my vision projected back to your mind, it would be in the form of a 90s VHS tape. In this tape you would see a little girl singing and dancing and saying everyday, “Look at me! I’m going to be a star!”

 

Everyday many of us want to be our own star more each day. Some of us keep asking, “How can I get more likes?” or “How can I get him to like my selfie?” Except most of us will not admit that codependent truth.

 

Underneath that posed smile ask yourself, “What am I not being honest about?” Neil Strauss, best selling author of “The Game” once said, “The biggest killer in all relationships is lying”. This statement sounds true to my soul because when I moved to California my uncle killed my dreams. In order to make the family proud and make more money I needed to be an engineer or nurse. During those times I looked up to my uncle since my role models in men failed me.

 

Eventually while in college I fought hard to make good marks in school, but in 2009 before my mental breakdown, my uncle claimed I was no longer part of the family because he believed I sent an innocent man behind bars. Somehow all the skills I learned in college went right through me. Eventually I was diagnosed as bipolar and schizoaffective disorder. The good news is I graduated in 2010, yet depression hit harder before becoming a preschool teacher. The guy I was in love with at the time left me for my friend and I was in a job I didn’t love.

 

In the Code of the Extraordinary Mind, Vishen Lakhiani talks about the culturescape. This is the tangled world of relative truth which is made up of human ideas, cultures, mythologies, beliefs, and practices on how to live. Culture is like upgrading software on our smartphones, but some phones never get updated causing us to dial the same people in our lives.

 

By now one may wonder how does one forgive in order to have unforgettable sex? You need to first unlearn to remember your worth. Here is my formula:

 

  1. Write down your top 10 movie scenes from any traumatic events. In the back of your mind ask yourself who do you blame? Why are you angry at them? What would courage have you do?

  2. Walk to your full length mirror and say the statements out loud and for the first few minutes feel the anger.

  3. To make this exercise more powerful play music that heightens your mood as if it’s the soundtrack matching the inner projection of your story.

  4. After 3 minutes of sharing your angry statements, then start finding compassion for the other person and be curious of how they were raised as a child.

  5. The last 3 minutes look at yourself in silence and internally tell yourself the Hawaiian phrase, Ho’ oponopono, “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you!”

 

Dave Asprey, the creator of Bulletproof coffee talks about 40 years of Zen. This is neurofeedback of intense brain training. Vishen Lakhiani shares how practicing forgiveness allows one to feel unfuckwithable where no negativity can touch you mentally. There is a theory of how billionaires make their billions and I believed it was by thinking of creative ideas, statistics, or facts. Instead it’s a simple practice of meditating on the person who hurt you. My theory is the more you forgive whoever hurt you, especially yourself, then the thoughts will not be as prevalent in the bedroom. Science says when you forgive, your alpha, beta, theta waves will improve shifting your conscious mind into the state of being.

 

“You do not know the meaning of love, and that is your handicap. Do not attempt to teach yourself what you do not understand, and do not try to set up curriculum goals where yours have clearly failed.” (A Course in Miracles)

 

I believe most of us who failed our loved ones creates this illusion within ourselves that we are not sexy enough. While the sexy pictures in my lingerie seems to be the purpose of catching your attention of “oohs” or “aah”. My ultimate intention is for you to forgive yourself.

 

The number one vice I forgive myself and still work on each day is how my abuse lead me to get into the Erotic Arts with working with men either with teaching them orgasms with their breath, tantra massage, or flogs, and whips. Living a double life for the majority out there will not help us in the bedroom. The more we are honest with our own secrets then we can be more present with bigger issues in the world.

 

The more we forgive ourselves our communications becomes more vibrant, bright, and imaginative.

 

The more we let go, our orgasms can transmit us to space and back.

 

The more we are honest with ourself we can look at our partner in their eyes, smile more sincerely, and kiss as if it’s the last time we see them.

 

The more we surrender to the past then we will feel so connected with our partner and ourselves then we can be more intune with what is happening in our world.

 

Psalm Isadora talks in a MindBodyGreen presentation how the world needs sexual healing. I believe our world needs more sex coaches, sex experts, spiritual teachers, and personal development leaders to heal as a concious collective. This recent year there were more terrorist attacks, shootings, and civil war around water. Some of us are divided more due to a racist and sexist leader. Our world really needs to wake the fuck up!

 

Does anyone remember the iconic photo of the boy in Syria who was covered in ash and blood? A lot of us who saw were filled with sadness. When I saw I was shocked mainly because he was expressionless and numb. Recently the small town of Aleppo was affected by this merciless war.

 

Alicia Key’s recent song Holy War, reflects my philosophy, “If war is holy, then sex is obscene. Then we got it twisted in this lucid dream.”

 

Before 2017 starts and living in the state of “Once I have an orgasm then I'll be perfect.” or “Once I make it then…” Realize the best sex will not happen til you learn to forgive and let go of the word, "once". Start finding your passion in a way it turns you on. I find people that are incredibly in love with what they do are incredibly sexy.

 

As I write this on a Friday, I have a statement I share on Snapchat, and that is, “Do you know what today is? Not fucking, but maybe you want to. Today is all about forgiveness, who do you forgive today?”

 

Today I forgive being Mexican! Today I forgive the color of my brown skin. Today I forgive my step dad for taking away my childhood, Today I forgive living in America! Today I forgive my uncle! Today I forgive my failed mistakes! Today I forgive my mother! Today I forgive being a woman! Today I forgive my ex-lovers! Today I forgive humanity!

 

Who do you forgive today?

Erika Susana Briones lives in Los Angeles, and a sex coach with the intention to heal sexual trauma primarily before getting kinky in the bedroom. To contact her email her at sexysoulmatrix@gmail.com to schedule a discovery a call.

The Renaissance Bachatero: Pushing Humanity Forward through Bachata: Introducing Jorge Contreras

      

 

What is a Renaissance bachatero? The word Renaissance literally means, “rebirth” in French. The imagery is an individual well-rounded in a variety of areas from dancing, personal development, fitness, and other aspects of intellectual life. In terms of dancing Jorge’s gift is the dance of bachata. Bachata as my friend Serena once said, “is the sexiest dance on the planet.” Bachata, a dance originated in the Dominican Republic, is a social dance, known specifically for its hip-movement, and body movement, and specific footwork. Jorge Contreras is known in the Bachata community as a pioneer in this movement and has well established a name for himself with the dance company, Que Rico. He’s known world-wide for fusing different elements into his dance pieces like hip-hop, tango, and contemporary.

 

What makes Jorge, specifically in my opinion a, Renaissance bachatero, is his ability to invest his time into personal development. What captured my attention about Jorge was his connection to MindValley. This company is founded by Vishen Lakhiani, a learning experience company teaching principles like personal growth, health, spirituality, and more. MindValley has been featured on The Huffington Post, Forbes, Inc magazine, and has worked with some of the top leaders and entrepreneurs like Sir Richard Branson, Marisa Peers, Peter Diamandis, Psalm Isadora, and many others.

 

One of the awesome aspects of MindValley is their event, Afest, once called Awesomeness Fest, an invite-only event and what makes this exclusive is bringing extraordinary individuals from artist, entrepreneurs, visionaries, and more, with the intention of pushing humanity forward. Seeing dancers like Jorge invest his time into learning how to push humanity to the next level is what makes Jorge a world-rounded dancer.

 

For my dancers out there who want to learn how to go from an ordinary dancer to an extraordinary dancer I recommend you watch these following videos. In the featured videos you will learn the following:

 

  1. Jorge Contreras ‘s experience attending AFest and him sharing a story related to Michael Jackson and the interesting connection to fireflies.

  2. How can a dancer push humanity forward?

  3. His love story with his girlfriend Stephany Diaz and advice on dating, especially for the single ladies

  4. How can we solve the issue of infidelity, a common issue I see trending in my dance scene

  5. Jorge’s story from the hospital recovery to healing himself through nutrition and mindfulness.

  6. Jorge sharing the importance of self-care especially for the modern dancers

In this portion of the video Jorge introduces himself, and what he learned from MindValley, and the lessons from Michael Jackson about fireflies, and how that relates to pushing humanity forward.

In this portion of the video Jorge shares about his girlfriend Stephany Diaz and how she inspired him with nutrition as well as sharing some dating advice, especially for the ladies out there.

In this portion of the video Jorge shares his nutrition secrets and even talks about cravings and how to get those dance hips working in one's favor.

 

Before posting this video I will be honest, I was very hesitant to post it, however, I believe this message is important to hear. In this portion of the video we talk about about infidelity in the scene and how it has affected and violated many woman's boundaries. 

 

Also wanted to share that a few months after this interview, I was also accepted to attend AFest, and very grateful! Mostly grateful for Jorge Contreras for his time in this video. If anyone has questions about dancing or anything related to personal development or real estate, one can reach him on social media on Facebook and Instagram @ Jorge Contreras.


 

Also want to thank my photographer Miko Aquino, and he can be found on Instagram and Snapchat @Mikowashere


 

Thank you,

Erika Susana Briones

 

The Power of Unplugging Your Technology Through Tantra: An Exclusive Interview with Daniel and Rachel Alcyone from Ecstatic Existence

The Power of Unplugging Your Technology Through Tantra: An Exclusive Interview with Daniel and Rachel Alcyone from Ecstatic Existence

 

Technology is an amazing form of communication, on the other hand, lately we have been seeing more atrocities in the media than ever before. Peter Diamandis once said “if it bleeds it leads” in relation with seeking the red or rubbernecking type newsfeed. Research findings state that the amygdala is programmed to anticipate the bad news. The amygdala is a section of the brain responsible for emotions. Now how does this tie in to the headline of Tantra?


Before I talk about the elephant in the room of sex or intimacy, the good news is that there are ancient technologies like mundras, breathwork, and spiritual practice to retrain the mind to be in the flow state. While many millennials follow the Kardashians or the next "It" couple, instead, I follow the spiritually awake lovers for mind-blowing sexcapades.

One of my favorite couples that I constantly see on my Facebook popping up is Daniel and Rachel. A few months ago I saw Daniel doing several videos about mudras and how these ancient hand positions can connect one to his or her higher self. What got my attention besides his unique edgy style and powerful charismatic voice was his love story to his wife Rachel Alcyone.

 

After learning how Daniel and Rachel met which is energetically felt in the recording then one may notice the quality of listening and conversing with each other. In this recording, you will hear some of my edgiest questions regarding the recent shootings and their unorthodox approach to the recent happenings. Their approach was to unplug from Netflix especially with our present day couples, communicating next to each other on social media. My favorite part of this recording besides their personal story was the sexy aspect of Tantra. Before I got into Tantra I believed it was where everyone held hands in a circle and sang Kumbaya. One movie that replays in my mind is Coneheads. This out of the bottle or fictional futuristic film, begins with alien family stranded on planet earth until they figure out a way to return back to their alien planet. In one scene the daughter Connie and her boyfriend Ronnie after prom decided to finally have not only sex but alien sex. While sitting squarely away and staring at each other, they are touching their hands palms to palms except wearing a device called the “orgasmatron”. This contraption looks like a vibrating circular Christmas Wreath. Ever since this movie scene, I imagined that was Tantra.

 

For those that do not know Daniel and Rachael state how Tantra can simply be looking at each other's eyes and breathing in synchronicity. The art is what seems like a staring contest, however, if done correctly can create an incredible euphoria. Tantra in the Sanskrit language means “weave” and in this practice one is weaving masculine and feminine energy in and out. If done correctly one can reach orgasm without penetration, simply by being present with each other.

For those couples out there whether new or lifelong, I invite you to listen to this conversation. Perhaps after hearing the sexy sections of this audio then one can go grab your partner, unplug your phone, and just be with each other from across the room. I double dare you to not only have a staring contest but a ninja type breathing contest. Even though it may feel alien, at least you learned a new sex tip of the day.


For those interested in learning mundras from Daniel or female empowerment from Rachel, the best way to reach them is at http://ecstaticexistence.com/  To plug in with them virtually check out their facebook or instagram at Ecstatic Existence. If one is in the Seattle area, I highly recommend reaching out to Daniel and Rachel.

 

How I Woke Up Next to the Buddha by Turning off my Darth Vader

The fear of loss is the the path to the Dark side...Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.
— Yoda

It’s 11:43pm on a Friday night, the candles are lit, and fear is sitting next to me. Fear is inspiring me to continue reading the news. Reading the news is not even close to inspiring, especially after the recent tragedy in Orlando, Florida when about 50 people were killed at PULSE night club. While I may not be an instagram model or anyone with a huge “following”, what I will say is that I am a fan of love despite race, religion, age, sexual orientation, or relationship status. In my personal opinion, love always wins and even though I am single I just want the world to be happy. Love is patient. Love is not jealous.

Happiness seems like a false promise or illusion for most people. Instead that bliss is attachment to a never-ending story of external applications. Who am I to write about this subject matter where several doctors, theologist, priest, teachers, scientist, and guru’s have mastered the concept.

Who am I to not write about it because I have experienced the many shades of the darkness. At a Wanderlust event Gabrielle Bernstein quoted her Guru

1/3 will go mad, 1/3 will commit suicide, and 1/3 will wake-up and help change the world
— Yogi Bhajan

Before I share my wake-up story I want to thank my mentors known and unknown like Emily Fletcher, Gabriel Bernstein, Candace Klein, Vishen Lakhiani, and Psalm Isadora. What they all have in common is meditation. While there is many masters, one key role model I’m been fascinated to learn about was, the Buddha. After meditating for almost a year with my amazing meditation teacher, Emily Fletcher, I was in love with this divine practice. Recently, after going to buy gold paint for my Buddha head statues, my curiosity magnetized me further. Eventually I fell in love with the tale of the Buddha and will share it to the best of my own understanding.

 

Once upon a time the Buddha had a wonderful mother, but later she died when he was young. Later he grew up as a prince with an amazing castle and lavish upbringing. Eventually, his eagerness and epiphanies lead him leave the premises to see the world outside the castle walls. Eventually when the Buddha left the grounds he saw suffering left and right of him like the homeless, prostitutes, and the sick and dying. When he got back to his palace his observation left him in deep contemplation , but over the years got married and had a child. However, he was not happy and he wanted to search for the meaning of life once again. Siddharta then left all his attachments behind him, and later isolated himself in a remote park in the woods. Amongst the wilderness, he tried torturing his body through difficult yoga poses, fasting, and sleeping on a bed of nails. The only result he got was pain, and severe exhaustion. At last he remembered the lotus pose. Underneath the Bodhi tree he finally sat in a lotus pose and in his meditation got confronted with his own version of the ego. The ego can transform into many forms of temptation, however, the Buddha did not budge. Upon opening his eyes in his meditation, he felt an incredible sensation of peace as if it was the first time he woke up from a terrible dream. Later a young maiden offered him rice pudding and finally feeling grateful for the universe, he accepted the offering. Upon eating that bite of rice pudding, he remembered that his mother gave him that before she passed away and instantly felt an incredible amount of serenity.

Unlike the Buddha who lived in a castle or meditated under a Bodhi tree, I however have been confronted with my ego. While typing the keystrokes on my PC then hitting the backspace button, my other voice of reason keeps whispering internally,

Erika, talk about your mom

In response my ego fights a bigger voice,

Why my mom? She does not meditate!

 

Eventually, I take a bigger breathe in and acknowledge how much she plays an incredible role in my upbringing. Recently a lot of people have asked if I am modeling now and as flattering as it sounds I’m not a model, but advocate for women of all ages to get their sexy back through meditation, prayer, and reading. After my court trial in 2001, regarding my sexual abuse, I begged my mom afterwards to put me in modeling classes to improve my confidence and self-esteem.

 Eventually I was interviewed by a an actual model. She was a 6’2 with blonde hair, blue-eyes, and painfully thin and pale. She then told my mom and I that I was too short and young to ever model, but if my mom pays their fee I then have a chance to be a model. I’m not sure how my mom did it with her job, but I remember her getting an extra job just to support my temporary dream.

After I graduated with my modeling degree, and I told my mom that one day all her hard work will pay off. This mostly explains why all these pictures are inspired by her hard work, since the age of 5 years old. Nevertheless, there was a dark time in our relationship that relates to how Yogi Bhajan states that, “⅓ of us will go mad”

Saint Theresa called such divine internal voices ‘locutions’ words that enter the mind spontaneously, entered into your own language and offering heavenly consultation
— Elizabeth Gilbert, "Eat, Pray, Love"

In 2009 I hit a breaking point which felt like I was having a Britney Spears "Crazy" moment except, without the shaving of her head. During this year I was a Junior in college, taking several college units, working the grave night shift with mentally disabled patients, drinking about three energy drinks, all while studying for my stress management stress.

The irony was that I was so stressed after not sleeping for a few days that I was not myself. After work, my mom catches me frantically talking to myself and at the time I felt I was talking to spirits. However, my mom called the cops, and I got handcuffed behind a cop car. Before I knew it I was isolated in a little room which was known as 5150 and diagnosed with bipolar and other interesting diagnoses. 

There is bits and pieces I recall from that event, but what I vividly remember is being told to take prescription drugs against my free will. There was a moment where I was livid at my mom and even made up the story that she was not my mom. Inside I knew it was not true, but was so angry with heat that I wanted to escape her smothering nature.

My boiling point came when my doctor said I needed to drop-out from school, take tons of medications, and be under house arrest. After that day my relationship with my mother turn for the worst. Eventually I moved out from her care, returned to school, and had my friends help me have a fundraiser to get back on my feet. Somehow I had all my friends believe that my mom was a threat to my safety. Sometimes we can not punish our family member because they only learn from their own culture, story and inner programming since birth.

The world of the absolute truth is fact-based. The world of the culturescape is opinion-based and agreement based. Yet even though it exists solely in our heads, it is very, very real.
— The Code of the Extraordinary Mind -Vishen Lakhiani

While that event felt real and had immediate consequences I forgive my mom since she did the best she could at that time. If anything that event taught me that I was strong enough to catch-up on college, two weeks behind and strong enough to not need prescription medication.

To be a great warrior in the world, you must step past your fears. It’s inevitable that we get attached to people, to our goals, and our fear of losing them
— Vishen Lakhiani

In today’s society we are becoming more attached to our smartphones yet we don’t update the way we speak to each other. My friend Trey months ago reccomended me the book, “How the World Sees You” by Sally Hogshead. One memorable concept was how we have a 9 second attention span or less. While I was in Italy I clearly noticed how all the sensations filled me up from the aromas, church bells, Renaissance painting, and tantalizing pizza. I can't forget the magnificent ancient ruins, and Italian men, that I hardly looked at my phone except to snap a few memorable moments . One clear observation was how every few seconds people were taking selfies, buying selfie-sticks, and looking at their devices yet not at each, right in the eyeballs.

However, there was a moment when I went to this gorgeous church in Italy, and got on my knees and asked God to teach me Italy’s magic. Eventually as I continued my journey those divine voices did return. Elizabeth Gilbert said it perfectly,

Maybe the voice I am reaching for is God, or maybe it’s my guru speaking through me, or maybe it’s an angel assigned to my case.
— Eat, Pray, Love

Before I talk about how I woke up to God and my purpose I want to also share the other ⅓ of my story of how I almost committed suicide. Before I write this I dedicate this portion to a close friend of mine who almost went to this dark path, luckily I’m grateful she chose life and the light.

 

My metaphorical Darth Vader was years after believing my echoing voices of the past. The symptoms of going to the path of the dark side is numbness, tiredness, and unconsciousness. While I was sexually abused by my stepdad I would live in panic-striking fear after seeing a gun next to the bed for several years. Every time I wanted to yell or cry while being raped, was told each time I would live in the dumpster, isolated from the rest of the world, and never be loved. In addition my fearful thoughts when I saw the gun were:

 

If you don’t let him touch you, then he will get the gun and shoot you.

 

If he shoots you no one will know because he is friends with the police department, and they will side with him.

 

If I lose my virginity everyday then maybe I won’t get killed.

 

The voice eventually left once I moved to California. One failed relationship after another left me to my brinking point. A few weeks after my college graduation, the guy I was in love with dated my friend, and all while working a job I did not feel called to since I was in a very dark place. There I was on my lunch break thinking about my college degree, with other awards as “Most Inspirational” yet on the inside I wanted to die. Instead, my internal dialogue got darker as it screamed:

 

Your stepfather was right you should live in the dumpster.

 

Maybe you deserve to be a prostitute since you're not worthy of anyone's love.

 

Soon after 2012 I got into the Erotic Arts, and eventually worked at a dark dominatrix place in West Hollywood where I was not getting paid well, the girls there were under the influence, and there was a moment that the dark voice got stronger. Then one day I was drinking and driving after several Jegers and mixed drinks. Internally my voice yelled several self-hatred negative self-talk to the point I was about to find a way to end my life.

Often what we fear is not losing the other but losing that part of ourselves that this is someone or something that makes us feel.
— The Code of the Extraordinary Mind

When did I wake up? How did I wake up? And how can you wake up your sexy soul without drugs, alcohol, and "Netflix and Chill"?

As I write this I realize it’s June 19, 2016 and it’s Father’s Day. For those that do not know I had a real dad and his name was Carlos Yañez. He passed away in 2006, was a DJ, lover of music, and a great dad. Before he passed away he always shared how much he loved dancing, music, and writing. There was a sadness in his eyes yet confidence in his voice and one memorable phrase he would always tell me is

   Mija don’t look down you are a Yañez, be proud of who you are!

One day I got a email notification of signing-up for Emily Fletcher’s class I found on the MindValley, “Conscious Engineering Class” and internally my inner monologue would say

Erika at this point nothing will work!

All the religion, self-development, and prayer will not help you!

Meditation, ha!

Suddenly this beautiful green tie-dye shirt with the iconic butterfly falls on the floor. I go ahead to grab it then remember that it was the last thing my dad bought me. Suddenly I felt his presence, very powerfully as if he was still alive next to me, then suddenly another divine voice stepped in:

Take the class my love, I promise you will be one with God!

 

I promise you will love it! You will love her, she will not hurt you!

 

No one will hurt you because you will be happier and stronger!

 

The voice was right! That divine message came at the perfect time. This lead to taking a leap of faith with Gabrielle Bernstein who taught me to be a leader and have faith that one day I will be a public speaker and author and save other’s sexy-souls. One of the most magical tools I also learned besides meditation was emotional freedom technique, which looks like the most bizarre technique. However this technique woke me up even more! To sum it up in a nutshell it is psychological acupuncture done with a karate chop to specific meridians around the face. According to Nick Ortner's book, “The Tapping Solution” it sends a calming signal to the amygdala. When I tapped on some dark stuff, a new and shinier voice stepped in saying:

 

There is nothing to fear!.

 

I am not the victim of the world I see.

 

God, being Love, is also happiness.

 

These messages happen to be inspired by A Course in Miracles which has been my go to in undoing the dark and waking up to the light. In addition, I’m also grateful to learn from my friend Bridget who taught me that I am “powerful beyond measure.” and God loves me despite my past.

After meditating, tapping, praying, and reading “A Course in Miracles” I now found my calling in waking up others from their trauma and past dark echoing voices.


While some people are reading this blog on a smartphone or technological device, perhaps imagining that this is a photoshoot or a “sex sells” marketing tactic, it’s half true.

If the colorful pictures inspired you to scroll down and keep reading to learn a valuable lesson then I’m happy these pictures served a purpose. As that famous Spiderman quote says


With great power comes great responsibility!

 

If I could have any superpower it would be to inspire less guns, prescription drugs, and less selfie-sticks. Also my aim is to heal sexual trauma in a way those people can start enjoying sex more and even singles can have more awakegasms in every moment of their days ahead.

 

How can you wake up more? How can you turn off your digital Darth Vader and let go of your attachment to your phone?

 

  1. Face your fears and turn it into a piece of art. Perhaps call someone you're scared of, pay off a parking ticket, ask for help on a project or take a leap of faith and try meditating or the art of tapping.

  2. Chose love over fear by buying yourself flowers, reading a book that reawakens your passion, or if you happen to be single dress-up sexy and take yourself on a date with no expectations.

  3. Choose a new perspective by listening to a new genre of music, listening to a sexy podcast, learning something new about your friend, or if in a relationship try a new sex trick that reignites the passion again.

  4. Have a gratitude attitude and start writing everyday to the point it moves you to tears or wakes up a new emotion inside of you

  5. Forgive someone in a meditation or if that person does not serve you then delete them off social media. Always remember that hurt people hurt people

  6. Expect Miracles by writing 10 miracles you wish to see and make a game out of it with yourself

  7. Rescue someone that you feel called to that inspires you.

  8. Recap your past lessons or social media post from the previous days to see how you can be a social butterfly the next week or so.

  9. Restore yourself  with either with meditation, tapping, or a courageous window shopping trip to the sex store, especially single because you deserve to always feel sexy despite your situation.

 

While the world historically has gone through many shifts whether environmental or tragic acts of violence or terrorism, I implore you to start being aware of your negative self-talk. I ask you that if you have been on social media for more than an hour to see if someone liked your selfie or post then turn off that digital Darth Vader and instead use your talents for good. My request that if you have read til the end of this blog post, to turn off your phone for 10 minutes, close your eyes, and start being aware that you are breathing, place your hands on your chest, hear your heartbeat and recognize you are alive, one of the best miracles you should wake-up to everyday that you are here on this blue-green dot planet.

 

 

 

 

Thank you to my photographer: @Mikowashere// Miko Aquino

Thank you to my hair and makeup artist @Edenilsoncreates// Jaime Eden Diaz
— Instagram

 

 

 

 


 

 

Gestures of Love: The Greatest Gift of Love is to Let Go

Afraid to bite back when there is nothing left to do, afraid to try the new, fear to stand up, afraid to speak up, speak against, sick stomach, butterflies
— Excerpt from Women Who Run With Wolves

THERE IS SILENCE ALL AROUND ME.  MY BREATH IS SHALLOW.  MY HANDS ARE ICE COLD.  

AFTER RECENTLY WITNESSING THE LIVES AND STORIES OF MY FEMALE PEERS, I AM NOW INSPIRED TO SHARE MY MANY TRUTHS. IT IS WITHIN OUR STORIES THAT WE WEAVE A STRONGER VOICE AND GAIN THE COURAGE TO TAKE ACTION AGAINST OUR TANTALIZING TRUTHS.

A SPIRITUAL WORD I OFTEN HEAR TOSSED AROUND IS “CHAKRA” WHICH IS A SANSKRIT WORD FOR WHEEL. OUR CHAKRA INVOLVES VARIOUS ENERGY POINTS ALL OVER OUR BODY DEPICTING CERTAIN DEVELOPMENTAL ISSUES. FOR YEARS I WAS TOLD I HAVE A THROAT CHAKRA ISSUE AND MAKES SENSE SINCE I USE TO BE SCARED OF THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE. FOR WOMEN, THIS ISSUE CAN BE SO DAMAGING. I HAVE HEARD THAT IT CAN DAMAGE THE HYPOTHYROID, LYMPH NODES, AND EVEN CAUSE THROAT CANCER.  I WANT ADDRESS MY THROAT CHAKRA TODAY BY SHARING MY STORY, AND I SINCERELY HOPE IT INSPIRES OTHERS TO SPEAK THEIR TRUTH IN TURN.

WHILE MY TOPIC FOR THIS ENTRY MAY SOUND LOVELY AND ROMANTIC (GESTURES OF LOVE), THIS TOPIC HAS BEEN WEIGHING ON MY HEART FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW.  I HAVE PUT IT TO THE SIDE SINCE MY HEART HAS BEEN HEAVY AND GUARDED. THE IMAGES THAT COME TO MIND WHEN “GESTURES OF LOVE” FLOAT TO THE SURFACE ARE IMAGES OF ROMANCE – SMALL IMAGES LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, A DOZEN LONG-STEM ROSES, EVEN A FACEBOOK “RELATIONSHIP UPDATE.”  BUT RECENTLY, I’VE REALLY HAD TO RE-TRAIN MY MIND ON THIS TOPIC.

A friend of mine has just been dating a guy that paid six thousand dollars to fly her on an exotic, all expenses paid trip to Thailand.  She even planned to move in with him a few weeks ago.  But shortly after, his true colors revealed that he was emotionally and verbally abusive. I feel blessed to be surrounded by friends like this one, who teach me daily through their own actions not to settle for a relationship like this one, even if it has financial or status perks.

Unfortunately women in other parts of the world are not as lucky to learn these lessons as quickly as my friend has. Growing up in a “sit there and look pretty” family structure, I grew up watching the Mexican women around me doing everything they could to “cook the world’s best enchiladas.”  But, around the table, sadly, the only feedback they received were complaints that the food tasted bland.  And most of my cousins are getting Kardashian-like upgrades on their bodies to please their potential suitors.

One of the women I once admired has now been loveless marriage for decades. The only “gestures of love” she has received is an allowance, GPS tracking system, and isolation from her family and friends. My mom tells me how she cries late at night at this reality.  And what’s so heartbreaking is that while she can’t afford certain things for herself, her husband has saved enough money for her daughter to get plastic surgery. What hurts the most in hearing this is that she is in a loveless marriage where she cannot share her dreams of cooking.

SOMETIMES WE BELIEVE THAT GETTING A BOOB JOB, CHANGING EYE COLOR, AND BUYING THOUSANDS DOLLARS WORTH OF MAKEUP WILL ALLOW US TO RECEIVE THE BACHELOR VERSION OF LOVE, AND THAT IS A LIE.  HOLLYWOOD HAS MISLED US.  EVEN AS I WRITE THIS, I REALIZE THAT I HAVEN’T YET SHARED MY RECENT LOVE TALE…

JUST AS I STARTED WRITING THIS ENTRY, I WAS INTERRUPTED BY A LOUD NOISE OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WHICH HAPPENS TO BE A COUPLE MAKING LOVE SO LOUD, THE GUARDS NEARBY WERE STATING HOW MUCH THEY MUST REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER…

MINE IS A CLASSIC TALE OF WHEN AN EMPATH MET A NARCISSIST. AFTER SEVERAL YEARS OF NOT DATING, I DARED TO EXPERIMENT WITH THE CHALLENGE OF BEING IN AN “OPEN RELATIONSHIP.” LAST FALL, I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MODEL, AND WHAT MADE ME FALL FOR HIM WAS DEEPER THAN HIS HAZEL EYES, ARTISTIC LOOK, AND CONFIDENT APPEARANCE. WE ARE TOLD THAT EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL, AND I WAS INTRIGUED BY HIS “I’M BROKEN” STORY AND HOW HIS MOTHER HID HIS FATHER FROM HIM. I WAS MISLED INTO THINKING HE WAS A “SPIRITUAL AND ENLIGHTENED ARTIST” WHEN, IN FACT, HIS SPIRITUAL PRESCRIPTION WAS XANAX, HASH, AND HOLLYWOOD FAIRY DUST.

UNFORTUNATELY, HOLLYWOOD HYPNOTIZED ME FROM REALITY.  TO BE HONEST, I MISTOOK THE HOURS OF HEAVY 50 SHADES OF  SEXCAPADES, THUS SLOWLY SEDATING OXYTOCIN-VENOM INTO MY BLOODSTREAM, AND MISTAKEN IT AS LOVE. THAT LOVE DRUG CAUSED ME TO TAKE A 180 TURN WITH MY LIFESTYLE. I WENT FROM BEING MONOGAMOUS TO ACCEPTING ABOUT HIM WITH OTHER WOMEN. I WENT FROM GOING OUT SALSA DANCING EVERY FEW NIGHTS TO LEARNING HOW TO TAP-HIM OUT IN JIU JITSU. I WENT FROM FOCUSING ON MY PASSION PROJECTS 100 PERCENT OF THE TIME, TO EMBARRASSINGLY BEING A YES-GIRL IN DOING  TASKRABBIT FAVORS FOR HIM LIKE DRIVING HIM AROUND TOWN (SINCE HE DIDN’T HAVE A CAR).

THERE’S A URBAN DICTIONARY SAYING CALLED, “HONEYCOMBED” USED IN THE MOVIE, THE INTERVIEW, WITH JAMES FRANCO AND SETH ROGEN, MEANING FLIRTATIOUS AND MISLEADING.  SHORTLY AFTER I WATCHED THAT MOVIE WITH THIS ARTIST, WHO HAD DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR, SOMEHOW CONVINCED ME TO HELP HIM HAVE A VIDEO SHOOT AT MY FRIEND’S PLACE TO RAISE MONEY FOR HIS KICKSTARTER THAT HE NEVER REALLY STARTED.  WOW.  THAT ALL HAPPENED.

THE ONLY THINGS THAT SHOOK ME FROM MY HYPNOSIS WAS THE FIRE IN MY BELLY, ICY COLD HANDS, AND UNCONTROLLABLE CRIES AFTER BEING DISRESPECTED ON VALENTINE’S DAY.  WHY DID I GET MYSELF INTO THIS UNNECESSARY MESS? WHAT CAUSED ME TO BECOME SO CO-DEPENDENT THAT I BENT OVER BACKWARDS? WE CAN ASK “WHY” SO MUCH THAT WE END UP GETTING NO ANSWERS, A MIRGANE, AND A SHATTERED EGO.

MY MEDITATION TEACHER TAUGHT ME THAT “EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS A NEW SYLLABUS.”  IN THIS RECENT SYLLABUS I LEARNED THAT, IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP, IT’S IMPORTANT TO COMMUNICATE TRUTHFULLY ABOUT ONE’S BOUNDARIES, DESIRES, AND INTENTIONS. AT FIRST IT SEEMED WE COMMUNICATED ABOUT HOW WE WERE ALLOWED TO DATE OTHER PEOPLE.  BUT I WAS BLINDSIDED WHEN EMOTIONALLY IT BEGAN TO FEEL LIKE “FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS” BECAUSE UNFORTUNATELY HE BECAME CLEAR THAT HE DID NOT WANT COMMITMENT.  WITH ME, AT LEAST.

SO ON VALENTINE’S DAY, AT 5AM, I PICKED HIM UP AND AFTER A NIGHTMARE OF A CAR COLLISION,  I BEGAN TO REALIZE THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED TO FAIL.  WE WATCHED A CLIP FROM GOOD WILL HUNTING AND AT THE END OF THE CLIP, I ASKED HIM WHAT HIS THOUGHTS WERE. HE REVEALED HOW HE THOUGHT THAT IT WAS STUPID THAT THE MAIN ACTOR CHOSE THE GIRL OVER HIS CAREER. THE DAY GOT WORST WHEN HE PERSISTENTLY TEXTED THE OTHER GIRL HE WAS DATING IN FRONT OF ME. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO ME.

MY TRUTH EXPLODED AS I WAS READING A PASSAGE ABOUT “JEALOUSY” IN THE BOOK SEX AT DAWN, AND HAPPENED TO SEE THE CLASSIC PICTURE OF THE FEMALE GIRAFFES WITH RINGS AROUND THEIR NECKS. THAT POWERFUL IMAGE SIGNALED TO MY AMYGDALA, THE REGION OF THE BRAIN RESPONSIBLE FOR POWERFUL EMOTIONS, TO OPEN MY MOUTH AND TELL HIM I WILL NOT TAKE THE DISRESPECT ANYMORE. HOURS AFTER I DROPPED MY  ARTISTISTIC-MODEL OFF AT WORK, I WENT HOME AND REDECORATED MY PLACE BY TAKING DOWN HIS PAINTING.

A FEW DAYS LATER I CHOSE TO REENACT THE TYPICAL SCENE OF GIRL BREAKING UP WITH BOY BY GIVING HIM BACK HIS THINGS. I RECENTLY LEARNED TO TAKE ON THE MOST DIFFICULT TASK FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, EVEN IF IT MEANS LETTING GO OF SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T SERVE YOU, AND IT WAS TIME TO ACT. KNOWING I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THAT RELATIONSHIP AND THAT HE WAS DATING A YOUNGER GIRL DID NOT EASE MY MIND AT NIGHT. I FACED MY FEARS THAT DAY BY NOT ONLY GIVING

HIM HIS STUFF BACK, BUT ALSO BY READING HIM A LETTER I HAD WRITTEN, AND I REMEMBER TELLING HIM, “HOW DO YOU LET GO OF SOMEONE WHO WAS NEVER YOURS IN THE FIRST PLACE?”

AFTER I READ THE LETTER, MY BODY WAS INCLINED TO SIT ON HIS LAP AND GIVE HIM ONE LAST EMBRACE AND HE THEN STATED WITH HIS PIERCING HAZEL EYES, “CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU?” ANSWERING WITH MY EYES YES, THEN HE RESPONDED, “YOU’RE EMOTIONALLY WEAK.”

IN THAT MOMENT OF MOMENTS, I STOOD UP AND SAID, “I’M NOT WEAK, AND IN FACT, I’M STRONGER BECAUSE I’M TELLING YOU EXACTLY HOW I FEEL, AND IF ANYTHING, THAT MAKES ME STRONGER AND MORE CREATIVE. ”  SHORTLY AFTER, WE LAUGHED AND EMBRACED.  BUT I LEFT OPEN THE CHANCE OF A FUTURE HOOKUP.  IT FINALLY ENDED A FEW WEEKS AGO WHEN I HEARD HE FELL IN LOVE WITH THE OTHER GIRL AND THAT THEY ARE NOW MONOGAMOUS.  OUCH.

THE SILVER LINING OF THIS TALL TALE IN THE CITY WHERE DREAMERS WANT TO BE THE NEXT BIG STAR IS THAT I WAS INSPIRED BY MY GORGEOUS ARTIST TO BE HONEST WITH WHAT I WANT.  I REALIZED THAT I WILL NEVER RECEIVE GESTURES OF LOVE FROM A NARCISSIST. HE WILL NEVER ASK ABOUT MY WORLD. HE WILL NEVER ASK ABOUT MY PASSIONS. AND HE WILL NEVER ASK HOW MY DAY WAS.

IT REMINDS ME HOW A LOT OF MY FRIENDS TALK ABOUT A BOOK I NEED TO READ, “THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF LOVE” AND HOW THERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS THAT A PERSON RECEIVES AND GIVES LOVE. WHAT I LEARNED FROM THOSE CONVERSATIONS IS THAT WHAT I NEED IN MY FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS, ARE CONSISTENT SMALL ACTIONS. I DREAM OF A RELATIONSHIP WHERE WE NOT ONLY HAVE INSATIABLE LOVEMAKING THAT PEOPLE CAN HEAR IT OUTSIDE THEIR WINDOW, BUT LAUGH UNTIL EARLY IN THE MORNING AND  GEEK OUT ABOUT TECHNOLOGY, NEW WORDS, AND THE LATEST VIRAL DANCE VIDEO.

AND TYING THIS BACK TO MY FRIENDS, I RECENTLY HAD A CONVERSATION WITH A NUMBER OF MY FEMALE FRIENDS THAT THERE IS A CRISIS RIGHT NOW WITH THE EGOS OF MEN AFFECTING OF THE LIVES OF MY FEMALE COUNTERPARTS. I HEARD THAT THERE ARE SOME WELL-KNOWN DANCERS THAT ARE NOT ONLY CHEATING ON THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AND WIVES, BUT THEY ARE DOING IT IN A WAY SO UNCONSCIOUS THAT MESSES THE REPUTATION OF WHAT OUR DANCE SCENE IS KNOWN FOR, AND IT’S FOR THE INTENTION OF SELF-EXPRESSION AND DANCE THERAPY.

HOW ARE WE LETTING THESE MEN GET AWAY WITH SUCH BEHAVIOR IN EVERY SUBCULTURE? HOW CAN WE TEACH THEM LESSONS OF EMPOWERMENT SO AS TO NOT CAUSE WOMEN TO FEEL SO AFRAID OF THEIR VOICE? HOW CAN WE TEACH MEN TO OFFER CONSCIOUS GESTURES OF LOVE? HOW CAN WE AS WOMEN NOT ONLY EVOLVE AS BEING GREAT LOVERS AND PARTNERS BUT TEACH OUR MEN HOW TO LISTEN IN A WAY THAT THEY CAN UNDERSTAND OUR YES AND OUR NO?

THE BIGGEST GESTURE OF LOVE WE CAN GIVE OURSELVES IS LETTING GO OF A RELATIONSHIP THAT DOES NOT SERVE US. AS I ENTER INTO MY 30S, THE BIGGEST LESSON I HAVE LEARNED IS HOW TO LET GO. SOMETIMES WE FEEL SCARED THAT IF WE LET GO WE WILL FOREVER BE ALONE AND NO ONE WILL TAKE CARE OF US AT THE END OF THE DAY. THAT IS A MISTAKE ROMANTIC MOVIES AND CODEPENDENT ROLE MODELS HAVE TAUGHT US TO LIVE IN OUR DAILY LIVES.  HOW CAN WE AS WOMEN LIVING IN THE 21ST CENTURY HACK OUR BRAINS TO LET GO?

WE ALL HAVE TOOLS TO END A RELATIONSHIP THAT BLOCKS OUR THROAT CHAKRA. MY SEXY SOUL FORMULA WAS A SPIRITUAL PRESCRIPTION OF MEDITATION, EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE, THE OCCASIONAL 4AM KUNDALINI CLASS, SALSA DANCING, AND SURROUNDING MYSELF WITH A FIERCE WOMEN WHO KNOW HOW TO SAY “”NO!” WITH INTENSE BRAVADO.  AS I TYPE MY LAST FEW KEYSTROKES, ANOTHER PASSAGE FROM WOMEN WHO RUN WITH WOLVES COMES TO MIND AS I CLOSE MY EYES.

A HEALTHY WOMAN IS MUCH LIKE A WOLF: ROBUST, CHOCK-FULL, STRONG LIFE FORCE, LIFE GIVING, TERRITORIALLY AWARE, INVENTIVE, LOYAL ROVING. YET, SEPERATION FROM THE WILDISH NATURE CAUSES WOMEN’S PERSONALITY TO BECOME MEAGER, THIN, GHOSTLY SPECTACLE. WE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE PUNY WITH FRAIL HAIR AND INABILITY TO LEAP UP, INABILITY TO CHASE, TO BIRTH, TO CREATE A LIFE.

CREDIT

PHOTOGRAPHER: MIKO AQUINO (INSTAGRAM: @MIKOWASHERE)

HAIR/MAKE-UP: JAIME EDENILSON DIAZ (INSTAGRAM @ EDENILSONCREATES)

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON PRIVATE COACHING, WORKSHOPS, OR MEDIA PLEASE EMAIL ME AT SEXYSOULMATRIX@GMAIL.COM

 

 

Breathe of Fire-Tales of Transformation: Introducing Arlene Shanti: Beyond a Spiritual Moon-Mover to a Galactic Kundalini Brown-Eyed Guru

Breath of Fire: Tales of Transformation: Introducing Arlene Shanti: Beyond a Spiritual Moon-Mover to a Galactic Kundalini Brown-Eyed Guru

Before I met Arlene, I heard about her through the dance community. Social media is a powerful tool and if used from a heart-centered intention, it can connect you to some amazing people. Before I took Gabrielle Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass last Fall, I recall seeing Arlene’s instagram posts. In her posts she always showed up dancing, laughing, and really in tune with what spirituality meant for her. After my masterclass with Gabby, one of the lessons that really registered was to find your “spiritual running buddies”.

This message really sunk in deeper when earlier this year I had an emotional day, and I recall reaching out to Arlene when the emotional pain felt like torture. Her text messages through that time were the exact healing words that filled up my reservoir of purpose once again.

Arlene Shanti teaches Kundalini Yoga and Meditation which happens to be the yoga of the heart. Simultaneously, I was also practicing this yoga at 4am every morning at Golden Bridge by Santa Monica.

One of my favorite aspects of kundalini yoga is the how it helps with insomnia, intuition, and health issues. While we live in the digital age where the phones are getting bigger, and more apps are being created each day, we are losing a sense of our breath, and when one gets in touch with breath, amazing insights can occur. I’m excited to introduce to you, Arlene Shanti.

Erika Briones: Before we start with the questions, please tell our viewers more about yourself.

Arlene Shanti: I am a Kundalini Yoga and Meditation Teacher and student of life. I work with women through my coaching practice. In my coaching practice I create a sacred space for people to shed limiting beliefs, bust through blocks, master their fears, and reconnect to their intuition to live a  happier life. I also hold new moon circles with women where we dance, support each other, and  uplift each other. It’s a lot of fun and very healing. I love to dance, I love to laugh, I love to travel, I love to cook.

Erika Briones: When is the next new moon?

Arlene Shanti: This month’s new moon just passed, and since I was at Sat Nam Fest, I’m planning to do a Full Moon circle later this month.

Erika Briones: Wow! How was the “Sat Nam” fest?

Arlene Shanti: It was so much fun! It’s a kundalini yoga and music festival hosted by Spirit Voyage.  There’s transformative workshops held by world renowned teachers, there is kundalini yoga classes scheduled throughout the day, live music by incredible sacred mantra musicians, and you get to eat the most delicious food. It’s a place where you go to  make real human connection with people from all walks of life. The vibration is very high, it’s a place for transformation, growth, and healing. It’s a lot of fun and it’s in the desert which makes it even more magical.

Erika Briones: I’m very curious to ask...it’s my favorite question to ask from my favorite company, MindValley, by the founder Vishen Lakshami, “What wakes you up in the morning?”

Arlene Shanti: (asks to self) What wakes me up in the morning? Inspiration, Curiosity, and Gratitude.

Erika Briones: For example, what are some morning routines you do with that inspiration?

Arlene Shanti: What gets me out of bed is my morning Sadhana. Sadhana is a daily spiritual practice. I wake up before sunrise, and do a kundalini yoga set and meditation. After that, I do whatever inspires me that morning. Sometimes I journal, sometimes I dance, sometimes I chant, sometimes I read. It’s different every morning, but my non-negotiable is kundalini yoga and meditation. Conscious connection with spirit every morning is what carries me through the day.

Erika Briones: (laughs jokingly) Is that why your eyes are you big and glowing? Is that the key to having big, beautiful brown eyes? (Arlene laughs in the background). I guess kundalini is the key to having these big, brown and piercing brown eyes (both laugh together). Being a lover of people’s stories and a big fan of film, especially the typical “Cinderella” story, I recently heard a little bit of your story on a phone call.  I’m inspired to hear what is your story? I hear stories are medicine and very healing and now look forward to hear your kundalini “Cinderella” story.

Arlene Shanti: Before my awakening I was sleepwalking through life. For as long as I can remember I always felt a deep void. I didn’t know that the missing piece was me until I hit a series of low moments that shook me awake in 2012. The beginning of that year seemed promising.  I had just moved in with my boyfriend at the time. I had just started a new job that seemed to be the perfect one. It was a very exciting start to 2012. About a month in, I lost my job. The relationship with my ex had seen its darkest moments. I got myself into debt. To numb myself from the chaos that was my life I started drinking heavily and was getting into drugs I had no business getting into. I had built a life based on fear, shame, and guilt. It was a very lonely and scary time for me.  In April of that year I got into a really bad car accident that totaled my car. It’s a miracle that I’m healthy and alive today.

Erika Briones: What happened with the car? Tell me more about that situation.

Arlene Shanti: It was 6am on a foggy morning. I had been drinking the night before with a friend. I had too much to drink so I slept over at her house that night because the bar we were at was just walking distance to her place. I woke up to what seemed like a thousand text messages from a worried boyfriend asking if I was ok. I got up in a rush, still feeling the alcohol inside my system, I was also coming down from some drug, and I started driving home. As I was getting on the freeway I crashed into something. I don’t even know what it was. I was in a daze. I totaled my car, it’s a miracle that nothing happened to me. The turning point in that series of low moments was around that summer. I had decided that there had to be a different way of living. The desire to live a better life led me to the world of self-help. I remember ordering a bunch of books from Amazon.

Arlene and Erika: (Both in synchronicity and playfulness yell-out): Amazon! (laughter)

Arlene: In that list of books was ‘A Return to Love’ by Marianne Williamson, which sat on my bookshelf untouched for about 3 months. I remember sitting on my bedroom floor one afternoon in September of that year feeling so alone, so scared, with suicidal thoughts running my mind. My eyes gazed over to the bookshelf and immediately landed on  Marianne Williamson’s book.  I heard a voice coming from behind me that said, “It’s time to read that book.”. Gabrielle Bernstein also talks about an experience she had when she felt an energy push her into action. My experience was very similar. I felt an energy pull me in the direction of the book, I reached for it and started reading it as I sat on the floor. Ever since that moment, my life has never been the same. It was the book that would open the door for me to meet and reconnect to my soul, which was the missing piece to the void I felt inside. That book led me to teachers, mentors, experiences, and other books that aided in my awakening. This path eventually led to me becoming a kundalini yoga and meditation student and  teacher. Prior to that  moment, I was not spiritual or religious. I would cringe whenever I heard the word God, and wanted to punch  anyone that would tell me, “You should go to church.” Today it’s a lot different.

Erika: It’s amazing what a person, place, or thing, especially the impact a book can create. That is why education is so important. Again, thank you for sharing your story. I’m curious to hear what you meant earlier by your definition of shame and guilt. How did that look like in your body? What were your mannerisms because I’m sure some of the audience can identify with that example.

Arlene: I distanced myself from family and friends because I was so wrapped up in that dark bubble. I wasn’t aware of  emotions or sensations in my body. The alcohol, drugs, and fear did a good job at numbing me out, until they didn’t. All I knew in that moment was that I was unhappy. Like I mentioned before, suicidal thoughts played a lot in my head during that time. Not a lot of awareness of my body or any sensations. I was completely numbed out.

Erika: It’s amazing how you completely just changed that story with Kundalini Yoga. I think Yogi Bhajan has said, “⅓ commit suicide, ⅓ go crazy, and ⅓ wakes up” . You are one of the lucky ones that woke up. Hearing about Kundalini yoga there is this misconception and myth attached that one needs to do all these movements in order to achieve a physical desire. Wondering what makes this yoga specifically unique? Also what are the benefits and science behind kundalini yoga?

Arlene: Kundalini yoga is often called the yoga of awareness. It’s a technology and science that opens up the energy centers throughout the body called chakras. It reorganizes and generates energy in your body. It brings you to a new depth of awareness of yourself and the world. It strengthens your nervous system, glandular system, builds your lung capacity, strengthens your intuition, reduces stress, the list goes on and on. There is breathwork, asana (physical postures), mudras (hand/finger placement), deep meditation, and chanting involved in this yoga. The combination of all of this creates  internal stillness. You start to hear your intuition, and be guided by that light. Through the awareness that it has brought me it led me to my soul’s work.

Erika: You mentioned chakras, something I’m a big fan of at the moment. From what I heard it means “wheel or disk” and sounds like a mythological perspection like a unicorn creature. However, I heard biologically and physiologically it affects the pineal gland. I heard it affects the third eye. Just like our eyes have rods and cones, the third eye also has those features, and curious to hear how kundalini affects our pineal glands. Can you please tell us more about that.

Arlene: In kundalini meditations there is instruction on where to focus the eyes. When we gaze at the tip of the nose it stimulates the pineal gland which controls the mind allowing you to get deep in meditation.

Erika: Some people tell me they see angels or metaphysical entities, and curious your take on it.

Arlene: The pineal gland is associated with the 7th chakra or crown chakra. It is sometimes referred as the “Angel” gland because it allows us to connect to that realm. Everyone has a different experience of how they experience the awakening of their third eye or crown chakra. Sometimes it’s very subtle too.

Erika: What was your experience when you had that aha, lightbulb, or “wow this is amazing” moment?”

Arlene: (pauses for a second) Every time I do  kundalini yoga I think, “wow this is amazing”. Every class has been a doorway to awakening more and more, to connect more deeply to spirit and my intuition. Recently I finished a 120 day meditation called “Gyan Chakra Kriya” It heightened my intuition and awareness. It gave me deeper compassion, and deeper love for myself and the world.

Erika: I like what you said about deeper compassion because a lot of these teachings come from a lot of spiritual teachings like Yogi Bhajan and there is a quote by him that states, “If you can not see God in all, then you can not see God at all.” That being said, what are the core lessons and biggest take aways you got from Yogi Bhajan?

Arlene: His teachings are timeless. Every word he spoke was full of power and truth. I learn from him everyday. One of his mantra’s that I repeat in my mind daily is “keep up”! He said, “Keep up and you will be kept up”. What this translates to for me is to keep up with my practice, my commitment, and through the challenges. This attitude and willingness of keeping up gives you courage, confidence, patience, and the ability to relax into life. Whenever I’m in a posture or meditation that is physically and/or mentally challenging I repeat this mantra in my mind “keep up, keep up, keep up!”

Because I know that if I get through it I will have a stronger nervous system, amped up intuition, and more energy to do the things I need to get done. The mantra can be applied to anything, not just yoga and meditation. It’s a mantra for life.

I do want to share with you 5 Sutras of the Aquarian Age that Yogi Bhajan left for us. You can  take one and meditate on it for the rest of your life because they are that potent.

1)Recognize that the other is you.

2) There is a way through every block.

3) When the pressure is on you, start, then the pressure will be off.

4)Understand through compassion or you’ll misunderstand the times.

5) Vibrate the cosmos and the cosmos shall clear the path.

Those are the 5 principles to live by.

Erika: Curious since we talked about movement and yoga poses, and after checking out your Instagram I noticed that you do some dancing, and I believe it’s a powerful form of self-expression. What have you gained by sharing yourself through dancing, and your intention behind your self-expression.

Arlene: Whenever I move my body and start dancing it drops me right into my heart and into the wisdom of my body and intuition. It also simply makes me really happy. I don’t know anyone who dances for 2 seconds and is not happy. We all express ourselves in different ways. Some through playing instruments, some through speaking, some through painting, some through writing, some through making others laugh, some through dancing. It’s vital to use whatever inspires us to express ourselves. We can’t contain it. It must be expressed. Not expressing ourselves can cause a lot of pain.

Erika: I believe that’s something experienced dancers take for granted. When I used to be part of a dance team, there was a moment where I would always ask for feedback, like “did that look good?”, “are my spins ok?” and before I knew it I was really in my head and I was super critical. I have a lot of friends that they are always self-criticizing their spins, movement, and before they know it, they give up or it feels like a chore. I believe it’s important you discuss this because we are forgetting the joy out of dancing. I believe this is a message most dancers need to hear.

Arlene: It’s pure ecstasy

Erika: Speaking of ecstasy, loving my favorite subject with the elephant in the room being sex and intimacy. Seeing how in the Western culture, sex is being overly desensitized by pornography and other means, I was wondering how Kundalini can awaken some other yummy areas.

Arlene: There is a  teaching on this that I want to mention. The blending of auras during intercourse. Women are more sensitive to this blending of auras. When a woman has intercourse here and there, her aura is imprinted. She loses identity of who she is and intuition is weakened, it’s something that is very common in today’s culture. Sexual freedom is a choice. When both parties show up with a sense of reverence, love, and respect it can have a positive effect on the woman. She will feel creative and vibrant. If those components are not in place then it can have the opposite effect on the woman like bring up childhood traumas, fear, and insecurity.

Erika: Can you tell me more about what you mean about blending of the auras?

Arlene: We have a physical body,  we have 3 mental bodies, and then we also have energetic bodies. The aura and arcline are part of our energetic bodies.We all have an arcline from ear to ear and women have an extra arcline from nipple to nipple. This is the part that gets imprinted and blends with the other person during intercourse. I believe bringing this sense of awareness can create a profound spiritual experience for both. Instead of fucking for the fuck of it, it can be a deeper experience for the woman and the man or man/man or woman/ woman.

Erika: I love how you integrate that and acknowledge that aspect. Sometimes we tune out from that community and it’s important to teach that practice to all types of sexual orientations.I was wondering what are some kundalini practices or systems model that they can take away from this article into their lives. Even though they might not see auras right away, just curious to hear what can they apply today?

Arlene: What I love about kundalini yoga is that it’s very practical. It’s a householder’s practice. It’s for the people who have busy lives, raising families, have busy jobs, but really it’s for everyone. If you don’t have long periods of time in the morning to meditate,  doing a 3 minute kundalini exercise will help tremendously throughout the day. A quick energizer is Breath of fire. It’s a rhythmic breath through the nose. Equal inhale and exhale. Another one is alternate nostril breathing. You do this by covering the right nostril with your right thumb and simply inhale and exhale through the left nostril. Practice this breathing technique when you feel anxious. It’ll calm you down. Do the same thing with the right nostril. This gives you energy when you feel tired or stagnant. And simply long deep breathing is an excellent practice. Inhale for 10 seconds,exhale for 10 seconds.  It’s very practical. That’s what I love about this science.  

Erika: I love how you mentioned breathing because in the past I don’t  believe I breathed that much. From what I hear, we hold our breath the majority of the time and it makes a big difference in our physical bodies.

Arlene:   Breathing consciously for 3 minutes can change your life. Our breath is our life force, it’s what keeps us alive.

Erika: (jokingly) You're breathing right now am I right? Just checking

(laughing in the background) That being said, I want to thank you for your time, your breath, your energy. Now want to hear of your plans for 2016 with your company or anything you would like to share with the world?

Arlene: Part of my destiny is to share this technology of kundalini yoga and meditation with the world so I will  continue teaching. I’m in a surrendered state. I’m open to the unfolding of what this year will continue to bring.

Erika: Also is there a way they can connect with you and find you for more coaching or learning kundalini?

Arlene: You can go to ArleneShanti.com and ArleneShanti on all social medias Instagram, facebook, twitter, and snapchat.

Erika: And again thank you so much I really enjoyed our interview. I hope you had  fun.

Arlene: Thank you I had a lot of fun!

Thank you for all who read this interview and if anyone wants more information on Arlene, please message her on her social media she previously mentioned. Also if anyone is interested in an amazing photographer I recommend Miko Aquino, and his work can be found on instagram under @mikowashere.

From Rage to Ravishing Resilency: Presenting Lillie Claire, Founder of Lillie Claire Love: Self-Love, Sensuality, and Feminine Power.

From Rage to Ravishing Resilience: Presenting Lillie Claire, Founder of Lillie Claire Love: Self-Love, Sensuality and Feminine Power.

I met Lillie last year as she led a Sensual Yoga workshop, learning not only get in touch with my body as a woman, but also learning how to feel strength and sensuality through movement without a partner. On first appearance of Lillie, I thought how incredibly gorgeous this red head with infinite pool eyes was. However, as we all know there is more than meets the eye, and I began to learn more about her life path and transformation.

Lillie is a certified Yoga-Tantra teacher, specializing in Women’s Trauma Healing and creating authentic intimacy between couples. She journeyed from Australia to LA 5 years ago and Tantra was one of the modalities that transformed her own inner life, leading her to be the ravishing woman she is today.

One of the beautiful aspects of Tantra is eye gazing, learning how to surrender one’s emotions in the present and learning how to balance both masculine and feminine energies within. Lillie sat down with me and shared her personal journey from anger and self-hatred to self-love and sensual empowerment. Today, I’m excited to introduce to you, Lillie Claire Love.

A Candid Interview with Lillie Claire Love and Erika Briones, SexySoulMatrix online coach, and blogger. [Transcript]

Erika Briones: My first question is inspired by my favorite company, MindValley Academy, and that is, “What wakes you up in the morning?”

Lillie Claire Love: (giggles) Right now, it is my alarm, literally! Sleep has been really important to me lately. It is something I need and crave, and I’m beginning to cherish it. I’m listening to my body instead of “go, go, go” all the time. That is the literal answer; my alarm clock! Passion, excitement and gratitude truly drive me, wake me up and fuel me. When I wake up I am excited about the day, passionate to share with others and there is a state of sincere appreciation for my life, and that’s what really wakes me up and lights me up. Also, I appreciate the structure and routine and see that as the masculine energy, it’s the container. The feminine then get’s to move within that container freely, sometimes wildly, and sometimes more gracefully, but allowing that to be in that moment.

Erika Briones: After getting to know you recently, I would love our audience to hear more about your transformational story, or as I call it your “Cinderella” story.

Lillie Claire Love: From the beginning?

Erika Briones: Absolutely! Can you give us the movie trailer version of your upbringings?

Lillie Claire Love: The movie trailer version is that I grew up in a kind of small but spread out town, in a hippie-Atheist family. We were out in the Aussie bush, in the wild, with Aboriginal friends and family. I grew up very connected to the land and the Indigenous culture. As life happened and I grew up, there was a lot of chaos around me, a lot of disconnection and a lot of anger throughout my family. My parents broke up when I was five then they fought for much of my life until my mom passed away four years ago. I was the mediator of the family, the supposedly calm and “sensible” one between everyone. I was close to my mom, but she developed a drinking problem and was in a long domestic violent relationship, so I was often the mother to my mother. When I turned 18 and moved out, then we started to rebuild our relationship, as adults and became best friends. I always tried to save my boyfriends, my partners. I was putting my attention on somebody else instead of saving myself and that was a big lesson for me. Releasing that codependent relationship and allowing other people to have their journey. My life came to a big crescendo when my mom passed away, I was drinking a lot and becoming more destructive with myself and my close relationships. I was full of rage. Being around anger for so long, I learned how to suppress it to keep it together for others, but then it boiled up to a point and it had nowhere to go except out. It got so bad, dangerous actually, that I finally realized, I’m the common denominator in my life and I can keep looking outside and saying “it’s this person’s fault,” or “that experience’s fault”, but it was me in the common thread of my whole life. I always had a huge desire to contribute to others in a positive way and here I was contributing to someone not positively as well as myself. I found myself having to make a choice, to take responsibility for everything in my life up to this point, and to turn things around from here and allow myself to be loved and to love in a way I didn’t really know how to yet. I then committed to a different way of being, to diving into the deepest, darkest parts of me. That took a lot of work! And it’s always ongoing, but it gets easier. I would never say that I’m there. It’s a continual moment to moment, day by day. That commitment to take responsibility for my life, and to know there has to be a light at the end of this tunnel, that’s really what kept me going. There is a light.

Erika Briones: Speaking of the light, I recall that you have done energy work, specifically energy healing. What I’m curious about is this whole buzzword of “energy” and people tend to misuse it. Can you tell me how you use that term in your life, and also how that improved your relationship with your mom as well as your path towards enlightenment?

Lillie Claire Love: Whether you feel energy or not, it’s there, we are all made of it. Our cells, our DNA, the universe, the stars. Everything is spinning, everything is turning, and it’s made up of energy. The rocks, the plants, the birds, and everything is alive. Everything has life running through it, and it’s made up of all these small little cells. I think all these different modalities are useful; reiki, the holy spirit, EFT, sexual healing. If you have the intention for good and for healing, then you're tapping into that source energy, where we all originate from. That source is good and that source is love, healing, and expansion. The universe is continually expanding and we are all part of that. Whatever name we call it or modality we use, we can all tap into that source. Before my mom went into a coma, my mom was sick for a long time and I started getting into an energy healing modality and it opened me in an energetic spiritual way that opened me to entities and spirits that didn’t have a body, ghosts essentially. This is something that happened accidental, and it gave me an opportunity to determine what to do with this gift. Eventually I offered to do a healing on my mom even though I didn’t know what that looked like. At first she was hesitant for the first six months, saying she was fine, then later she called in a lot of pain and asking if I could do a healing session with her. In our conversation I said, “let’s release the attachment to the identity of who we are to each other of the mother and daughter, and everything that is there. Let’s recognize that we are two beings, so we can be really open to whatever can happen here.” Then I imagined my hands starting at her feet and inviting that source of love energy flowing through me and flowing through my hands into my mom’s body. I was inviting that energy up in her body, and as we did that we spoke about different things that were coming up. I remember I was on her knees and I was imagining my hands over that part of her body and then I was asking her, “What are you feeling right now?” My mom then said, “ I was thinking of what it meant to be on ‘our knees in life’.” That can be a “I’m on my knees open and surrendering and in awe of the universe” or it can be “I’m on my knees, totally desperate and I don’t know what to do.” In that moment my mom and I were very open and it felt very intuitive. We cleared a lot of stuff from her past, she was brought up very Catholic and then she abandoned religion and took on an identity as a hippie feminist in the 70’s. She was an active protester for women's rights and equality. Her ribs were broken by the cops and put in jail due to a protest. She was a wild woman and she stood up for what she believed when it came to protecting others. Even though she was seemingly so “free”, she still carried this shame and guilt, Catholic guilt she called it. We cleared the shame and for the first time she was open and able to give herself permission to be kind to herself and put herself first, she didn’t need to feel selfish. She realized she was her own, biggest judge. She thanked me for the session and I told her that I loved her and wouldn’t judge her, whatever she chose. A week later she went into a coma and I was able to communicate with her spirit and help her to move on from this life with freedom. She let go of holding onto a sick body because she thought she needed to stay here for her kids and her partner. She saw she could be more helpful to all of us by returning to the natural state of Unconditional Love. Now she is one of my Angels and sends us positive energy from the source.

Erika Briones:  When you were talking about your mom and how she overcame so much, and with the political protests, it reminded me of the word “rage” and how similar you both captured it. Can you tell me more about what rage means to you now and how you handle that rage?

Lillie Claire Love: My mom definitely had rage, she grew up in a screaming house, and when dad left, I think she felt abandoned and betrayed by life. As children, we are open sponges and we soak up the energy of emotions around us. Energetically I was soaking up rage, and by example, learned that is how people who “love” each other treat each other. As kids, when there is chaos, we make it mean that there is something wrong with us; it became my job to make sure everyone was ok and I felt like a failure when I couldn’t stop the pain around me. Emotion and trauma is also passed down in our DNA, it’s in our cells. Scientifically there is research coming out that for example, your grandmother’s trauma is present in your current biological DNA. We are carrying trauma and negative belief systems that isn’t even ours to carry. We need to clear that ancestral line in order to not pass it onto future generations and to live whole and free lives. My mother definitely had this fire inside of her. That can be such a positive force to create a movement and shift in the world, hence the Woman’s Right’s Movements. It’s important to stand up for equality, use your voice, not being afraid. There is a great power within the rage to create change. But it can also be destructive. I’m carry that fire inside of me and I can be really powerful, scary even, when I stand up for others. But it is a fine line into righteousness and martyrdom. I am compelled to create a movement for good in the world, but I have been through a process of letting the rage soften and it is just as powerful to tap into unconditional love and in that place anger doesn’t exist. Fear doesn’t exist. Fighting doesn’t exist. I am asking the question how can we come from a place of total acceptance and love to create this positive shift that we want to see in our own lives and in the world, without having to use force or be rageful. How can we shift with more ease and total acceptance and total knowing that a shift is happening. That is all a balance.

Erika Briones: When I think of rage, I imagine Kali Ma. In a lecture, Alan Watts describes how in Hindu mythology, Kali Ma, is “The great mother, who is represented in the most terrible imagery. Kali has her tongue hanging out long drooling with blood, she has fang teeth, has a summit in one hand and severed head in the other, and she is trampling on the body of her husband who is Shiva”. Seeing how Kali encompasses fierceness, can you tell me what she represents for you?

 

Lillie Claire Love: Yes, Kali Ma, represents fierce love and a need to cut loose from the bullshit. Sometimes I notice a client wants to hold on to something which keeps them in a kind of hardness, or in a victim state, in the struggle, versus the ownership of their life, and I feel Kali come out in this fierce “mother love”, saying “No. It’s time for you to move forward with your life. Stop clinging to the pain, it’s safe to trust life.” That is what Kali Ma stands for. In her presence it sounds like a strong, “No!” and it’s time to let it go. This can also be represented when we are standing up for our boundaries, and saying no to someone who doesn’t have healthy boundaries. If we can declare our boundaries in a way we are standing in our power and clearly state; “No, that is not ok” as opposed having to fight aggressively for our right.

Erika Briones: In terms of fighting, I believe with anger there comes this instinct desire to move. Within that emotion, I believe it’s healthy to move that rage as you mention with exercises like lifting or yoga. That being said, seeing how you seem at peace, can you tell me more about your fitness lifestyle and how it helps you with your negative emotions.

Lillie Claire Love: I definitely believe it’s important to move and to physically move not just to keep healthy but to move stuck energy and stuck emotions like anger and grief. Firstly, I want to mention that I have always been thin, but I have not always felt beautiful. It’s important to give context because some people like to say how lucky I am to be thin, and there has been a lot of pain with my own body image to get to a place of really embracing the body I am in. If we continually compare bodies with each other, we are really going to never be happy. My mom would take me to the doctor when I was a kid and would tell the doctor, “She eats all the time, but she’s so skinny”. Not til my early 20's I started to develop hips and some curves. I didn’t believe I was beautiful as a teenager because others called me skinny. It was a process of appreciating my uniqueness. I started yoga when I was 18 but when I was drinking a lot I was inconsistent with it didn’t go to a class for about a year. Finally I got myself to a class and I remember crying the whole way through it and realized why I had resisted doing it. I didn’t want to feel. Once we start moving physically we can start moving things energetically, emotionally, and mentally through us and out of us and finally release it. When we do that we have to realize the feelings will be there whether it’s anger, disappointment, loneliness, grief. It’s very important to move, but you have to find something that you want to do whether yoga, rock climbing or dancing. I recently started getting into five rhythms which is a dance meditation where you dance for several hours and move through different levels of music. It starts off soft and slow, just swaying your body, then the bass kicks in and you jump around like a wild woman. You move through the various energy systems of the body, the chakras, which relates to the different developmental places in our lives and emotions. Weight training, squats and kickboxing are some of my favorites too. They ground my energy and help me to push past what I think I’m capable of.

Erika Briones: I also hear that another way one can also heal is through Tantra, and was curious if you can elaborate more about this ancient sexual art for our muggle audience. One of the popular rumors people hear about, is how Sting has done Tantra for several hours, and it’s said to give one insatiable orgasms. Being that you're a Tantra teacher, can you describe what Tantra is now vs centuries before?

Lillie Claire Love: The basics of tantra is that it’s a philosophy, not a religion. Same as yoga or meditation. It’s a life practice and the main point of tantra is to become more aware, more present, more conscious in your life, in every moment. The Western world really locked into Tantra as a sexual practice. Tantra includes all life. In Eastern cultures, sex is normal, and a very big part of life. There is no stigma or shame around it. It’s part of this wellspring of life and how we stay young and vital, energetic and creative. With all the christian influence in the west there is so much shame around sexuality, we’ve made it wrong, dirty, and bad. Thanks to Eastern and Indigenous influences, now people in the Western world are waking up and started to integrate Tantra’s teachings because we need it. We need to let go of the shame, and taboo around it. Within Tantra, one becomes more conscious and connected to one's body. We live in such a fast-paced, money oriented, driven world that we are living from our neck up. We are usually in our head constantly thinking, analyzing, and not really connecting anywhere down, or connecting to our heart. Our heart is not just a physical thing in our chest, but it holds the center of for our capacity to feel, to love, to have compassion, to bond with one another. Below that is our will power, and our confidence. Below that is our sexuality, our creativity, where we hod our subconscious beliefs and at the root is our survival and our need for safety, it’s our grounding in this physical world. Tantra teaches us in a practical way to come back to our body and to get out of our head for a while. Some of us are so numb in our body and desensitized in sex. Men are desensitized from crazy, explicit out there porn and being so over-driven. Women are desensitized from shame and body hate, from abuse and trauma, as well as trying to do it all like a man. We tend to live in this masculine energy of doing, doing, doing, instead of just being able to relax, receive, and surrender.. There is so much misconception of what surrender means. Sometimes we see tapping into our femininity as weak and powerless. Vulnerability being part of femininity has a stigma of being hurt. Through the practice of Tantra, we become aware of all the shit that’s in the way. We say BS is short for bullshit, but I say BS is for our bullshit belief systems! Our BS is what limits us from living in the present, allowing ourselves to drop down into the layers and open up to a partner in an intimate way, to give ourselves permission to really be seen in all of the dark corners that we try and hide. We have to allow ourselves to just be held and seen, to truly see the other person, not what we expect or project them to be.

Erika Briones: Love how you weaved all concepts of Tantra and wondering what are the ABC’s of Tantra or some ways we can apply it in our daily lives?

Lillie Claire Love: I would always start with breath. Tuning in right now, are you breathing? Your breathing, right because otherwise you would be dead, but are you aware that your breathing? It’s a miracle that your body just knows to breathe, to take in life. When we become more and more aware, we start to elongate our breath, and deepen it and breathe from a deeper part of us, not just in our chest which is shallow. Start to expand the diaphragm, start to push the breath into your whole abdomen, even down into your sex, into the pelvis, into the pelvic floor. Elongating and deepening and expanding the breath opens and expands your whole body and being. Physiologically, this allows the oxygen to get into your cells, your bloodstream, your brain. That’s going to expand your capacity to feel and to be open to allow the B.S. to move through you and more easily, to be able to tap into your intuition rather than being in your head. Get out of the constant “good/bad, right/wrong”, that our mind likes to do. Once you get into this rhythm of breath, you become more present. It will also deepen and expand your orgasm potential and the ability to be in an intimate moment. Breath comes first before anything in life. The next phase would be movement and movement in two ways. Physical movement in your pelvis, rocking your hips back and forth, awakening your sensual energy. And then also movement in the sense of energy, so as you breathe and turn your hips and become aware of your pelvic floor and your sexual region, start to imagine that energy like a white light or beautiful water flowing through a river and imagine that energy or oxygen flowing through you upwards, through the center of your body, all the way to the top of your head then cascading back down the waterfall and finally back to your sexual center which keeps moving that energy around. You are then moving physically and moving energetically. That will really wake up your sexual/ creative center, which doesn’t just have to pertain to sex and intimacy but pertains to all of life. You can use that energy to create anything you want. As you move energy around your body you can also set your intention and attention that “I’m going to send this creative energy out into a project or a relationship or send it to heal someone, or myself.” It’s unlimited what you can do with it. Connection is another element of Tantra and connection is something you can do with yourself in terms of touch. Use your fingertips, very gently and lightly caress your skin. Caress the parts of yourself that don’t usually get your attention. In sex, we usually go straight for the “sexual” parts, but our whole body needs attention and our whole body can be orgasmic. Can I connect to and touch my feet, my neck, and the small of my back. Give yourself that love. The second part of connection is eye gazing. We can do it with a partner by starting to first engage in breathing together and eye gazing and allowing all the masks to fall away and just really allowing ourselves to see and be seen.  We can also do this practice with ourselves by sitting in front of a mirror and take yourself in and look in your own eyes, almost as if your sitting in front of a friend or a lover. When you do that look at yourself like your valuing, appreciating, and nourishing that person.

Erika Briones: I love these practices and how deep one can go not only with a partner but within oneself. Speaking of loving oneself Miss Lillie, can you tell me your plans for 2016?

Lillie Claire Love: My mantra this year is to “go big” in all aspects of life. I am not living form the old BS of staying small and safe any more. I am committed to living a big and exceptional life. I’m allowing myself to expand Lillie Claire Love across the globe through online coaching programs, I just launched my first webinar course with women from Sydney and my hometown Darwin in Australia, women in Paris and all over the states. I am excited to connect with and be a contribution in other people’s lives. I am launching a 9 month Program to use your sexual energy to create abundance in your life in April called O Manifest, and co-facilitating a retreat in Costa Rica April 1st to 4th too. We can look at our reality, and look at what’s going on in the world and see how there is a lot of stuff falling apart like our government system, economy, environment, war. We can look at all of that and get bogged down by the hopelessness, or pessimism about it. There is something far greater than all of that we are all connected to. What we focus on and what we say with our words and the thoughts we think, that matters and that’s what creates what we live in. Let’s be part of creating what we do want, not what we don’t want. In time, the physical world will catch up so there has to be some faith and trust and perseverance and patience. We can do it together.

The Butterfly Effect of a Sexual Abuse Survivor: The Joyful Little Girl Returns from a Forever of Fear

The Butterfly Effect of a Sexual Abuse Survivor: The Joyful Little Girl Returns from a Forever of Fear

                        "We are like butterflies who flutter for a day, and think it is forever." 
                                                          -Carl Sagan

For much of my life, I believed that I would be “stuck in my present” forever. I was convinced that I would be unhappy until I met “the one,” until I was accepted by “that group,”, or until I had enough cash-flow for the weekend.

“Happiness is not outside -  a person, place, or thing - but something within oneself.”
-Emily Fletcher, Ziva meditation instructor

A few weeks ago I was recently talking to a my friend, Dave, and heard myself saying, "I want to be like Gabriel Bernstein..." and "...once I'm like her, then I can..." He reminded me that, rather than try to to be like someone else, I should instead strive to become a better version of myself.  And then I had a meditation that inspired me to return to my joyful little girl.

The Joyful Little Girl

While meditating, I was reminded of one of the happiest times in my life.  I was in kindergarten.  I was cool (in my own mind).  I was always raising my hand, ready to jump in on class discussions. I was giggling as the Italian twins proposed marriage with Ring Pops and dandelions. Thinking about this version of myself, I recognized that, as I learn and grow, I can feel more and more of  that kindergarten-aged, enthusiastic, vivacious girl.  And I’m happy to see her again….

Fear as My Forever

So what happened during all of those years between my joyful little girl and my grown up self?

Where did this joy go?

For several years my mom always said, "Te ves muy nerviosa, mija" meaning "Daughter, you look nervous."  I always blew her off, but she was right.  For several years, I was anxious, and living in constant panic.

It all started during Hurricane Andrew, a Category-5 hurricane, that hit Louisiana in 1992.  I was living in Louisiana at the time, and was physically located in the eye of the hurricane.  It was a strange feeling...all was peaceful and calm before the storm hit the hardest.

I had a similar feeling, emotionally, that same year.  I was five years old, and was  playing in my bedroom, surrounded by dated, cherry-covered wallpaper and scattered barbies. My stepdad called me into his room to come watch "I Love Lucy" with him.  I felt safe and calm watching TV, until he told me that he was going to teach me how to be a woman.

That day, I lost my childhood, and never thereafter experienced the simple joys of youth - riding a bike, going to sleepovers, playing outdoor games.  For the next seven years, I would fight to survive in my own personal war-zone every time my mom went to work. There was literally a gun next to the bed during these years, and ever since, I have viewed sex as an act that is deadly and dangerous.

I remember asking my stepdad, "What will happen if I tell?" He responded in his bitter Cuban voice, "You will go to jail and then sleep near the dumpsters." I cried and prayed that one day, I would get married, and escape from this reality.  I feared that I would be living like this forever.

Learning My “No”

"’No’ is a complete sentence." 
     -Gabriel Bernstein

It all changed for me when my cousin came to visit.  I felt safe while we were playing Nintendo, but once my cousin left the room, my stepdad called for me.  He told me to “do my duties" and somehow I had the courage to say "No."

That “No” was the beginning of a new life for me. He was furious as he whispered, "You’re a selfish little girl."  In response I simply said, "You made me selfish," as I ran to my room.

I’m not a big religious person,  but that day, I fell to my knees and prayed for God to give me answers and to save me from living with my stepdad.

Finding My Voice

Eventually, I told my mom what was happening to me, and we moved to California to stay with my aunt, uncle and little cousins. We went through the typical process of getting tested for pregnancy and STDs, and I eventually testified against him in court.  I remember that, before the trial, my lawyers were a bit worried because, when I told them the story, I was expressionless - numb.  But as soon as I took the stand and saw my stepdad in his smug suit and yellow tie, I lost it.

As my lawyer asked, "Can you point to the defendant," I couldn’t stop crying. And I was not only crying for myself, but also for the other victims involved, including his biological daughter and the former babysitter. This version of “forever” came to an end on July 3, 2000, when I found my voice, and he was found guilty and charged for aggravated rape.

The Journey from My Frightening Past

While I wish I could say that it was easy to move on, I can’t.  Years later, in 2009, my uncle wouldn't let me see the rest of my family because he was convinced that I sent an innocent man to jail.

Without access to my extended family, I turned to a man for support, and began dating someone who I believed was the one. Growing up as a Latina and watching my cousins getting married, I thought that finding the "one" would be the solution to everything.

From One Man to Another….to Drinking

I had two significant relationships in my early twenties.  In the more significant relationship, I was the “doormat girlfriend.”  Much like my mother, I found myself making his bed, cooking for him, and always bending over backwards to please him, only to be  told to "sit there and look pretty."  Luckily, I recognized the red flags after three years, and was able to walk away.

I then fell head over heels in love with a hip-hop dancer, only to be told that he didn't "feel good enough for me," and then watch him date my friend and shortly thereafter propose which did feel like the Adele song, “ Someone like you”. That was my anthem song for several years after. I was embarrassed to the point of heavy drinking.

My Path to Sexual Healing

In 2010, I graduated from San Diego State University and became a teacher, all the while trying to deal with my past and my insecurities around sex and men.  I then found myself engaged with a sex-positive community that has helped me to forgive myself and my family, and to embrace my inner beauty and sexuality.  This may sound crazy to my  more conservative friends and family, but I have  found power and therapy in this highly-conscious community. I am a proud Latina and I have only begun my journey to embrace my sexuality, while, in turn, helping others to embrace theirs.

In the process of working on myself to become a better emotional and sexual coach, I have learned to incorporate exercise, a healthy diet, and the practice of Ziva Meditation. While the media is flooded with war, violence, and corruption, I'm happy to embrace my inner monologue, femininity and sexuality with open arms. I have finally turned inward to seek my happiness.

My Path Forward

I will no longer hide who I am as a sexually-conscious woman.  I am no longer embarrassed by a conversation about masturbation or pleasure techniques. I am proud of my inner voice, and thanks to the oxytocin and dopamine that have resulted from my sexy-soul filled activities, I sincerely love sex now.  (I have never enjoyed sex.  This is a huge step for me.)

I am living proof that, when you incorporate sexy, soul-filled practices like meditation, healthy fitness and diet, and prayer, you are able to derive true pleasure from the food you eat, music you hear, and intimacy with your partners and self.

Back to My Joyful Little Girl

Although I can't send a message to my eight year-old self, this message is for the little girls in fear and fighting their own personal wars.  This message is for the grown up girls stuck in their adult bodies, wishing that they could meet someone on Tinder or find the perfect job, thinking that will make them happy.

We may feel like we are living in the eye of the storm sometimes, but with the right foundation and tools, I believe that, wherever you are in life, you will be able to find your joyful little girl again.

I invite you to play with me. I invite you to wake up hungry to see the bright colors of the orange-pink sky. I implore you to stop hiding behind your phone and breathe in through your nose. Know that you are not alone, and the “forever of fear” is behind you.

Finding your joyful little girl is an ongoing practice, a journey back to one’s self every day.  I have not reached my destination.  I’ve simply found my way back to my joyful little girl, and I will work daily to celebrate her. Instead of asking why settle for happy? Why settle for instagratification? Why just settle for happy hour? If anything know mindgasms, dancegasms, and blissgasms are waiting for you in this sexy-soul filled world outside your iOs upgrade.